One of my favorite Goddess is Mahalakshmi. These days, I am not worshiping or remembering any Goddess as much as I used to do earlier.
Ever since I started worrying about why Sai showed this girl at work in dream, my devotion is deteriorating since I am deeply hurt by the way Sai embarrassed me and none of the Goddess I love are telling me why all this happened? Today, I thought about the whole sequence of dreams and how I reacted to it.
Eventually, what did I got? I got hurt, insulted and ruined the last inch of dignity I have as a Man. Why should I bother some girl whom I don’t even know just because of Sai dreams? When will Sai answer me for all this or does he even care to answer me?
I continued to remain at office no knowing where to go? I started at 8.40 and went to Saibaba temple near office.
One of my colleague got hurt in his hand and he called up to pick him. So I picked him and had a conversation while driving. Since I had been to Saibaba temple he asked me “How you became Sai devotee?” I told him, an uncle took me to Nagasai Mandir when I was in school and gradually I started believing in Sai.
I wonder what made him ask this but he asked “Do you get dreams on Sai?’
I told him that “I won’t usually see Sai in dream but what ever dream I have, I take it as Sai’s message.”
I added, I take all decisions in life based on Sai’s dream.
He laughed as if wanting me to tell him in detail.
So I told him “For example, a year back, Sai told me in dream to do Phd
But I did not take any efforts to work on it.
I told him that Universities abroad offers Online Phd programmes but its too expensive for me.
After I dropped him, I realized how much I have wasted my time and my whole life?
Look at my attitude.
When Saibaba showed a girl in dream, I immediately related to it but when he asked me to do Phd, I never took efforts even to know if its possible for me to get admission in some university. So basically, irrespective of what Sai says, I am choosing to react only in few aspects and if it involves hardwork and dedication, I am not listening to him.
I came home and spoke to my Mom for few minutes.
She told me to think of how my Sister did her Phd in Germany.
She went all alone and within a week, She realized her guide was Psychic and racist torturing her often saying “You people come from India to take away opportunities which some German could have got”.
If it was some other girl, they would have got scared and returned to India. But my Sister smartly told her, I am going back to India and left the city. She took train to another city called Braunschweig in Germany, met professors there and somehow managed to do her Phd there.
My Dad also told me
“Your Sister is determined in what ever She wanted to do. You also desire and speak but you leave everything half way”
My Dad often tells me to learn something. So I assured my parents that this year, I will surely take efforts atleast to seek admission for Phd. I found an university in Coimbatore and already it crossed the deadline for July 2018 session. So I must try for next session.
Me and my German friends!
While my Sister went to Germany to do her Phd, I was in Chennai working with the Film Editor. I was aspiring to assit a Cinematographer I admire and kept waiting for his acceptance. Every evening, I used to start from Editing room and happily go to Nungambakkam. Those days, Max Muller Bhavan – The German Cultural Centre used to be in a street opposite to a Star hotel. I love that atmosphere so much.
You know what I would do?
One old women in Chennai who runs a small mess in her home once told me
“Its good to feed 1000 people. If not, atleast feed 1000 Ants”
So I stored Sugar in a bottle in my room. Every morning, I make 3 small packets of Sugar and kept with me. During the evening, I reach Nungambakam and walk in the streets after MOP Vaishnav college and find if someone is noticing me. If none are walking around, I immediately, take a packet of Sugar and drop over the road side grasses. I have done this for more than a year. This way, feeding ants and insects, I will be walking to German Cultural Centre.
I will be simply going there to have snacks – Tea and biscuits. I will be reading books or watching German movies if they run a film festival. My Sister used to tell me to learn German but I never bother. I befriended few friends from Germany who come there for training.
One of this girl Stephanie was very close to me and we used to roam Chennai for 2 month. I felt bad when She started back to Germany. Surprisingly, She was also from University of Braunschweig and hence I sent instant Dosa powder to my Sister who made Dosa for Stephanie after she reached there.
Once, I remember taking Stephanie to Mylapore Saibaba temple. She asked me why am I worshiping a Human? That’s when I realized most of the European youngsters are not religious. I never force anyone to worship Sai. I told her, I just wanted her to know my Guru. That’s it.
When my Sister’s friend came to India and was about to go back to Germany, I sent Dupatta for Stephanie as She likes colorful Dupatta a lot. She used to look at girls wearing Dupatta in streets of Chennai and tell me how much She likes it.
Gradually, I lost contact with Stephanie. After 4-5 years, I got a surprise mail from Stephanie. She often used to say that She likes to settle in Switzerland. Seems She was vacating her room in Germany to move to Swiss when she found the “Sticker Pottu” – Bindi packet which I gifted her when we were roaming in T Nagar… he he…
She felt nostalgic and immediately mailed me.
I completely lost contact with her now. The last I mailed her, She told me that She lives with her Boy friend in Swiss.
Now what’s the moral of the story?
Instead of learning German, I was roaming with German friends – Both guys and girls.
If I meet these friends today, my questions to them and the what I learn from them would have been different because these days, I learn a lot about what’s happening in each Country. Years back, I don’t even have this maturity. I simply enjoyed speaking to them.
Namaku idhu thevaya? I wasted. I wasted all my life like this.
This Akshayatritiya, take an effort to learn and continue your Education
This year Akshayatritiya is very important for me because I lost my Gold ring few weeks back. Both my Sister and myself had never shown interest in Gold but only after I lost this ring, I felt little upset on why this happened to me? Is Saibaba trying to tell me that I must not have desire for such materialistic stuff?
Actually, I like Amazon Forest in South America a lot because its like the Oxygen factory for Mother Earth. Over 3 billion trees in Amazon forest makes it one of the best kept treasures in modern world.
The Mountains near Amazon forest has Gold deposits in it on the rocks. These Dold deposit comes along with the rain water and reaches the river. People in Countries like Peru are very poor and hence they use Mercury to extract Gold from the river. They have also cut thousands of hectares of Trees to enable them to process river water to extract Gold.
When I saw this Documentary, I realized that Sai wants me to understand how desire for precious metal like Gold is ruining the planet? Someday, we will have all sophisticated technology but will be struggling for pure Oxygen.
I am not against Gold but may be, Sai is letting me know what I must desire in my life and spread the same message to everyone.
One of the reason I am depressed these days is because I regret for all the years I wasted learning nothing.
I would have done my Phd years back but I never took it seriously. I must have gone abroad to study as my Sister kept on advising me but I never bothered her advice.
After all these years, there’s no point in worrying what I lost in my life.
I also feel Sai motivated me too late in my life to catch up for what I lost.
Now, I don’t know how to proceed.
I will see what I can do this year. I probably will atleast take effort to begin my Ph.d. Its Ok if I don’t get admission. I must atleast get into the process. In future, I must not regret for not obeying Sai’s words.
This Akshayatritiya, I wish all of you count on what’s most important in your life.
If its Gold. get a gold as a blessing.
If you think, you have enough time and opportunity to do a Course or continue your Education, please do it.
Hold on to your Job and be focused on your Career but keep learning.
I lost my life doing nothing. I do an ordinary job and learned to be happy with it.
Knowledge certainly is precious.
I din’t had buddhi to focus on what would have changed my life.
I played around with my life.
May be, Sai did his part in showing what’s the right path to follow. Its up to me to follow him or live as I wish and continue to waste my years.
I will be remembering Goddess Mahalakshmi of Kolhapur all this day.
I love her dearly.
She must show me a way.
Om Sai Ram
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