The past few days, I was not able to focus on anything. I was really ambitious about working on a project but eventually things doesn’t fall in place. I finally gave up on it and simply doing nothing. I am just speaking to my friends at work, laughing like fool and passing my time. I did not get the right guidance from Saibaba to understand what he wanted me to do?
I argued a lot with my Mom as she wanted to go to one of my relatives engagement in Madurai. I told her, its hard to get return ticket in lower birth but she’s confident about managing. I don’t know why my Ma gets so much irritated when I am really concerned about her health. Once again, I hate to be born in a culture where we are supposed to attend weddings and events even if elderly people are not in good health. I totally don’t understand this logic. All I could do is to pray Saibaba to arrange a lower birth for my Ma, her sister and bring them safe to Coimbatore.
I also understood few things about my life and praying Saibaba to show me the right way. I have lost all my peace of mind because of such issues. I saw this girl in dream who finally called me a brother about which I was very thankful to Sai. Many people don’t understand when I say that I will marry the one Saibaba chooses for me. In between, there are few hurdles or I might never get married too. I just don’t want to complicate my life. I am trying to close the circle for all the relationships which Sai said won’t work for me. Thankfully, It has been closed and I feel free now.
Don’t know what Saibaba has in mind. I just wish to go back to in time machine to the days Saibaba lived and sleep with him in Dwarakamai. I wish it is 1895 when Sai first accepted someone worshiping him. Some of my friends who don’t believe in Sai asks me why do you worship a human being? Well. Sai never wanted anyone to worship him. Not a single day. As Sai kept on doing lots of miracles to the wretched and the poor, these people saw him as an Incarnation of God. Before 1895, there were incidents where Sai threw away the pooja plate which was bought by a devotee to do pooja to him. Later, Sai allowed devotees to worship him since he liked their devotion and love.
Sai never wanted any respect we give him. Sai don’t really need our Aarti too. Sai did good to his devotees without being worshiped. This is a saint who took care of devotees even when the devotee never bothered him. How can such a saint be called as a human being? Even if he is a ordinary human being, Sai is worth being worshiped because his love is so intense.
Have to wake up early…
Sai will throw away my depression in his holy dhuni and bring happiness to me.