Why I fail in all that I dream to do?

Sairam friends,

There’s a time in everyone’s life when we feel that we lost a lot. We would have done so much but we din’t. I am going through this feeling almost for the past 3 years. When ever I wanted to create a platform that will impact lives of millions of people, I start working on it with enthusiasm but later I stop. I loose interest in it or jump to some other idea.

On Friday evening, I was really worried due to some issues at work. One of my friend was really helpful and taught me to make cold calls to prospects. I don’t really like it but its been my concern that I am not good in speaking or basically communicating. So I told him, I shall follow his tips just for my personal growth. It was Varalakshmi Vrata and hence, I made sure we call a bank in Kolhapur. One of the place where I wish to visit. I love Kolhapur Mahalakshmi a lot. How can I forget the day she came in my dream?

Goddess Mahalakshmi
She’s a sweet heart – Mahalakshmi of Shirdi

The above photography was contributed by Subodh Agrawal in 2009. After so many years, I searched for his mail and posted today since I wanted all of you to have her darshan. She’s a sweet heart of my life.

Mahalakshmi has immensely been kind to me all these years. This very moment, I remember the day I offered a beautiful blue Saree to the Mahalakshmi during my Shirdi visit in March 2016. I have tears in my eyes now remembering the Lakshmi devi in the Shirdi temple. Even the recent Shirdi visit wasn’t that memorable when it comes to Mahalakshmi temple. In 2006/2007, When I went with my friend, Ashish to Shirdi, I met someone called Reddy Baba in that temple. In 2009, I met a priest called ….Oh God..I forgot his name. He was a doctorate in Philosophy and had come from Varanasi. He spoke so kind to me. After that, I never saw him.

Later in the evening, we went out for printing and came back to his place. The girl near him asked something to him and left. So he started telling me that she asked him for guidance to do Management studies and that she desires to help her Mom in her business. He was kind of appreciating her for her interest in doing something which most girls doesn’t focus on. I told him that I mostly expect all guys and girls to set big goals and work on their skills but so far, all whom I tried to inspire to do something in their life, simply wanted to end up marrying and run a family.

The funniest part is when girls write me about their relationship issues, I tell them to learn something or focus on their career, read a good book and divert their mind. I know they all expect me to tell positive words – “Saibaba is going to bless you with the guy you love”. And when they read my mail, they might want to slap me…he he..

I told him that my biggest mistake is that I had no interest in learning when I was a freelancer for years. My Sister continuously studied and hence she became a research scientist and someday, I know her contribution to science will touch lives.

I was upset as soon as he spoke about this girl because several times, I tried to work on projects related to Education and Entrepreneurship. Anyone could come across me after 20 years and ask “So you really think you did something good just by working on StarSai?”. When I write about Courses, Startups and Technology, things gets commercial and I only think of results in those websites. May be, I must have considered that too as a Non-Profit effort.

There are people who dedicate their lifetime to create a platform which touches lives of millions.

Mark Zukerberg

Mark Zuckerberg, when he spoke about Internet.org project said that access to internet has helped people find and get jobs and career opportunities. If history don’t remember him for Facebook, it will certainly credit him for taking internet to places where people have never been connected before. We can’t always speak how bad is free-internet and learn to appreciate innovation.

So there must be something Sai has planned for me too. I am just not working on it due to my own laziness. I basically have passion to tell people to learn and work on their life to grow ahead (Though I don’t myself..he he).

Aquila will be beaming down internet signal to create a worldwide network of free access.

Bill Gates 

Bill Gates is inspiring people through his beautiful blog – GatesNotes.com
All that he does proves why he has been that successful and today, he is spends his time doing lots of good deeds and spreading happiness.
Bill gates
The ‘Billionaire’ song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It’s funny – Bill Gates

We all know Gates as someone “Rich” and the guy who owns Microsoft ( If that’s right way to put it). But here’s what he shares about the days when he just began his career as a programmer..

“Throughout my career as a programmer, just when I was feeling self-satisfied, someone would come along and show me a better way to do something. I would look at their code and think, “I am so bad at this.” And then I would get to work on sharpening my skills” – Bill Gates
I wanted to do something more beyond what I do in StarSai. The site I made to list and review online courses disappeared eventually. The projects I did to guide and inspire people to create their Startups could never take shape as I feared I can’t work on it when I continue to have a full time job.

I never say about StarSai to anyone but since now a days my friend kept asking about Hindu Gods and Shirdi Saibaba, I told him about about it and requested not to visit using his laptop at office. I had to say because in Jan 2016, I had a dream as of both of us are traveling to Sri Lanka and having food in a Kaali temple there. Read below article.

Goddess Kaali of Sri Lanka in dream

I write lots of personal stuff here and get embarrassed every time I myself tell about the site to anyone at work. I told him that since I did not had interest in education when I was in college, I wanted to create a platform to guide people to learn and grow but eventually, I could not continue working on it. We spoke just for 10 minutes.

The whole Friday night until 1 o clock, I was worried why I fail in all that I dream to do? Probably, I was expecting results too soon and quit the project. Its 12.34 at night on Saturday. From morning, I thought if I can work on something really super cool. A place where people get inspired to learn and grow.

My eyes are closing now. My heart is too sad for I don’t match my words with my action. I don’t have patience to work on something consistently and make it a success. If you closely analyze successful people, they all have ability to withstand failure and continue to pursue their interest.

I pray Saibaba to show me a way and make me do something that will touch lives of millions in a positive way.

I wish Saibaba comes in dream and guides me.

I am going to hug Sai Satcharitra and sleep now. Yes. I usually hug and don’t read.

I am lazy.

Sai calls me a fraud for I expect him to help me without taking any effort..ha ha…


Little Servant of Shirdi Saibaba

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