As I promised last week to Saibaba that I will chant Sai Sai Sai for 20,000 times by this weekend praying for my Mom and someone, I am almost done with the count.
On Thursday evening (Nov 30th),I went to the Saibaba temple 2 kms from my office. Its raining these days in Coimbatore and hence it was hard for me to park the car making sure it doesn’t get into the muddy area. Else, the tyre will be stuck.
As I got out of the car, I realized the parking opposite to temple was completely muddy and hence none can park their car. I decided to help devotees park their car safely instead of going into temple. I stood in the road that leads to temple. When ever a car was approching the temple from distance, I slowly walked making sure I won’t slip off and reach the car. Then, I ask them to park the car adjacent to the road as the parking space is muddy.
I did the same work for next 30 to 40 minutes and enjoyed doing it. Usually,I myself struggle to park my car at night in any new place.That too when its raining its hard to judge unless someone helps. So I felt its better to do this work than attending night aarti of Sai. I never entered the temple. It was slighly drizzling.
I just went to Dwarakamai for 2 minutes and walked again to road to see if I can help any devotees coming in car. The night Aarti was over and devotees were having prasad. I made sure every one takes their car safely and goes back home. A kid was vomitting and hence I held her arms until her Mom took her. Later, after almost 20 cars left the place, I finally took my car and came back home.
I did chanting Sai Sai Sai in mind for few minutes at night and then slept off.
We live in a country were there’s no respect for ordinary people’s health and life
I got a call late night at around 12 that one of my uncle passed away. Seems he had fever for a week. He was admitted in hospital for 3 days.. They did their best but he’s gone. He has 2 children. Boy is in 4th grade and the girl is in 7th grade. They are my Mom’s side relative and I had to travel to Tirunelveli late night. My Mom said she’s having pain in her chest and did not allow me to start immediately. It was a shock for us. I woke up early in the morning and took a bus to Madurai and then to Tirunelveli. It was raining all the way.
Since I had promised Sai that I will chant his name by weekend, even when I thought about other issues, I brought my mind back to focussing on Sai. All the way in the bus, I was chanting Sai..Sai..Sai.
I reached Tirunelveli and spoke to my aunt. She cried. I was calm. I simply listened to her and ask her to be confident. I don’t know why I did not cry? I can’t even digest sight of her kids. I din’t spoke to the kids. Not even a word. I avoided looking at them as it hurts me deep inside. These days, I wanted to see how I can practically do good to people rather than being emotional. They are not financially sound and hence it worries me how she’s going to educate her kids? I told her, that we all will support as much as we can and not to worry much.
The most shocking part was the Government hospital where my uncle was admitted did not even confirm that he had dengue. They kept dragging to give the report. How smart the government works? If you can hide someone’s report or change the report, you are actually cheating innocent people. Only when something like this happens to our own relative, we realize how badly this country is hit my such Dengue fever.
I met all my other cousins. We had dinner and I announced that I am starting back home the same night though they asked me to stay back and rest.
I took the bus back to Coimbatore at night and continued to chant Sai’s name. Its good that I started chanting from last week. Else, this incident would have made me worry a lot. Instead, I was diverting my mind by chanting Sai Sai Sai.
I reached home early in the morning, took bath, lit lamps and slept off as I was so tired travelling back and forth with a day’s time.
How does it feel when you pray for someone whom you don’t even know personally except her name?
Even when I laid down, I continued to chant Saibaba’s name as remembered its someone’s Birthday. December 2nd.
On March 2nd 2016, I had a dream about this girl ( One amoung the 20 to 30 dreams I had about this girl in the past 15 month). I don’t want to reveal the dream but it was related to lighting lamps. Surprisingly, the very next day, a Sai friend of mine messaged me the featured painting of Shirdi Saibaba with a kid in his lap and several lamps around him. I was really surprised.
This is how Sai proves his dreams certainly carry a message. So I used to think Sai loves this girl so much that he has carried her as a child on his lap.
Today, being Karthigai, auspicious for Lord Murugan, I lit lamps at home chanting Sai’s name and also prayed for my Mom and someone.
Then, I started to Saibaba temple and saw my friends had already lit many lamps like Shiv ling. I did not took my DSLR Camera because these days I am avoiding to take photos or videos in this temple due to some experience I had. I felt its better to focus on doing something good in temple.
All these years, I have this habit of lighting the lamps which are put off due to wind.
I love lighting lamps which are put off by wind as I see every lamp as Sai himself.
While I was lighting a lamp which was put off, one of this aunty who knows me well called me and asked me to light lots of lamps over the Rangoli she made. It was so beautiful and hence I lit these lamps over the Rangoli.
Then, I continued to spend the next 2 hours lighting every single lamp which was put off due to wind. Doing the same work. See if lamps are put off, go and light. As simple as that.
Here are some photos. Note that I took these photos with my mobile like hundreds of other devotees. I specifically avoided using my DSLR camera. I wanted to focus on devotion.
Sai Aum – When ever a lamp was put off, I walk in and lit them – Happily!
All the while, I was chanting Sai’s beautiful name. I told Sai, its her birthday. I don’t know who she is and wonder why on Earth I had such dreams for over an year? I am completing my 20,000 chanting count this weekend. Hence, bless her with a beautiful life.
As far as I have understood, Sai tells me about someone because I am indebted to them.
But this issue is the most confusing and painful of all because its so embarrassing. I told Sai to help me comeout of this confusion and give me some clarity atleast now. I had shed tears, spoke to him and pleaded him to answer me why all this happened?
At times, when I am having dinner at night, I suddenly think about this issue and ask Sai in my mind “What did I do? Why did I do it? Am I a mad to behave like this? I must have been little careful and never told this to anyone. Especially, not to this girl. I must have kept silent. Last year, I did not felt so guilty. This year, as I get old, I feel really painful. Its devastating when you playfully do something trusting Sai’s dream without thinking twice.
Secondly, who’s going to believe in Sai’s dream these days.
Even people who worship Sai won’t understand me or my dreams.
The most popular explanation which I get from people when I share any dream for that matter is this – When you think about something and sleep, you will get dream related to it.
Excuse me – Please understand that saints have their own way of working with dreams. I lived my whole life from 2007 only based on Sai’s dream. Even single decision I took is based on his words in dream. Anyway. What ever embarrassment I got due to this issue, I think its because of my past karmic deeds.
Who knows how many girls I have hurt in my previous birth? I am paying back for all that now. Infact, I told Sai, if you want me to do something good to this girl, I would have done that. I don’t even know her as a friend. So I can only pray for her. I did this chanting for the past one week and feel satisfied.
Its not about how many times you chant that matters. Its about why you do it? I did this as I felt this girl has never exaggerated what ever I did. She minded her business and focussed on her life. It was me who bothered her. This year, it makes me even more guilty. There are girls who hurt me badly even when I trusted them. I have come across girls who show attitude even if a guy tries to befriend her. This girl as far as I know is down to earth and never hurts anyone. She lives in her world. She has her own plans and dreams. Who am I in-between? I asked this question to Sai on several occasions.
I don’t even have a role to play in her story.
But I trust Sai must have got a reason and hence I did all I could for the past 15 month.
I felt like mailing this girl to wish for her birthday. Last year, I did. This year, I feel even wishing on her birthday might be a disturbance for her. I saw that the watchman had already closed the Dwarakamai. I got in again and dropped chits asking Sai if I should write to this girl or not? I got answer that I must write to her. Meanwhile, a lady came with her small kid and asked me if she too can enter Dwarakamai? I told her, its already closed and hence lifted her kid in my arm and made the kid touch the Paadhuka of Sai. Her mom was so happy.
Somehow, though I picked the chit which asked me to wish someone on her birthday, I felt its better not to do it. I have this habit of telling my Sister that I prayed for her. My Mom used to tell me its not a good habit to tell someone you prayed for them. “If you pray for your Sister, the prayer will reach her. You need not say that specifically.”
Similarly, I felt its better I keep within myself what ever I do for this girl too. Girls usually get irritated to get birthday wishes from someone whom they don’t like. Why should I spoil her happy mood on her birthday and make her think that I am bothering her?
Infact,I don’t expect anything from this girl anymore. From Sai’s dreams, I just understood, I am indebted to her and must do something good to her.
All I want is some clarity from Saibaba. If Sai can do something beyond that, I wish to tell this girl all that happened. I don’t think that’s possible too.
I distributed prasad after Aarti and was speaking to my friends standing outside the temple gate.
I reached home, lit lamps and started writing this article.
As usual, do you want a moral of the article?
Sometimes, its better not to tell someone that you care for them.
That’s the lesson I learnt after Sai blessed me with dream after dream about this girl in the past 15 month which has no relationship with reality. If you care for someone, just be a wellwisher and keep distance. People have their own life to live. They may not need your presence too. So the best thing you can do for them is keeping away from them.
After couple of weeks, this article will go down below in StarSai and none will read it but my prayers to someone by doing this chanting will work for her lifetime. She may or may not know about it as I don’t even wanted to write to her anymore. I prefer keeping distance and moving on.
My parents are not well. Especially, my Mom has become feeble these days. I am fed up with life but I just know that Sai has his own plans for me.
You too don’t worry about your life.
Sai hai na!
Sai bless you,
Note – I am not comfortable publishing this post and might remove it anytime in future for I don’t know how to handle my life based on what ever Sai instructs me. Practically speaking, none will understand Sai as much as I do. So they will only think I am leading a strange life. I don’t mind that too because its more important for me to live by Sai’s words than to act smart.
I am going through a tough time not able to decide how to proceed with my life. Most people misunderstand that I live by Sai dreams. Its actually his words and not just dreams. Its good to be seen as a fool or stupid rather than ignoring words of my Guru. Secondly, after my uncle passed away leaving his 2 kids, I realized his parents or grand parents had not done enough good deeds. We must do lots of good deeds. If we fail to use opportunity God gives us to do little good to others, we might eventually face the consequences.
I am bored during weekends these days and have ample of time to do something good. I wish Sai inspires me to work on it as soon as possible.