Wish I could have been someone else. People lead a normal life. They come to temple occasionally, worship Sai and get back to their work. I also was like that until I completed my graduation. Probably, Since I choose to be in Filmmaking, life gave me several adventures. Within 4-5 years, I realized I am not for it and choose to teach Filmmaking. That too din’t help much as I wanted to be with my parents. I did my MBA and accepted an ordinary job in an organization where people like in early 1990’s or still backward. I think, its not about the organization. Its about the people or its about me. The problem basically is with me.
I din’t complain much even when there was an issue against me in 2017. I accepted it and moved on. Every thing was acceptable but not the incident in which Sai showed a girl in office in dream and made me write to her.
Externally, it looks as it its not like a problem at all. I can easily throw this away and move on. But I can’t do it because of what I know my Sai is.
If my Sai says something, he won’t say it for making a fool out of me or letting people call me phychic or laugh at me.
I endured all these humiliation and insults because I respect my Sai.
People can easily say that I would have imagined and they will give that usual scientific reasoning for dreams. Well. I know my Sai and what he did to me through dreams. I have experienced his greatness and I am indebted to Sai for lifetime.
Sai has done a lot to me. Just that I won’t use the word “Miracle” in most of my articles because Sai is helping us due to his love on us. Naming Sai’s favour as “Miracle” doesn’t sound that good to me.
I call it Sai leela and not miracle.
Sai leela is the love a Guru has on his children
Sometimes, I sleep imagining Sai and thank him so much for all that he has done to me. I am suffering and going through lots of worries but who’s not suffering?
Everyone of you reading this article are going through some problems in your life.
I only wish you too learn to experience Sai’s presence in your life even when your desire is not fulfilled.
I have experienced Sai’s presence in my life and he’s with me every single moment.
Having said all this, I am still confused and pained for one small issue I am going through from September 2016.
All I am pleading Saibaba is this.
Tell me why this happened? Why should you unnecessarily show some girl at work in dream? I don’t know her at all. She has her own life. Then, why should I see her in dream often?
If I ask a question about this girls issue at night standing near the portrait of Sai in my room, the very same night or early morning, there will be an answer for my question.
I have got atleast 3-4 dreams like this back in 2016 and 2017.
This is the only reason I am fearing to stop thinking of this girl because I fear Sai might think I am not respecting his words. So I just told Baba, come again in dream and give an end to it so that I can move on.
Baba, I accept my mistake. For my part of the mistake, I ask for pardon.
But there’s also your part.
I started liking this girl and now, I have realized my mistake and I have completely stopped this. I just regret for what I did.
Now, Sai…You also have to end it. This is all I desire.
You started something and now, you also have to end it.
I stopped and you also must let me stop.
We have to end this now Sai because its getting into my nerves.
I lost my dignity. My self respect and my peace of mind.
I shed tears because I was confused to core more than a year.
Now, I am in a deeper shock. I can’t believe my Sai would ignore my humble prayers.
I can’t let this go Sai.
I just want something as a proof to satisfy myself that you were a part of what ever happened and I only reacted to your words.
If you tell me this, I will be satisfied.
Until then, I will continue to be depressed though externally, I seem to be happy.
I hope you will answer me very soon because I want to show this stupid world that you are true.
I lost all my desires and can’t even understand what path of I am going in my life.
Baba, I lost myself.
Please show me a way.
Show that you exist.
I know you exist but vast majority of people don’t understand you, your ways and how you work.
This is why I keep recording my emotions as an article all these days.
People must someday realize how Sai works.
Please don’t shock me anymore by being Silent.
After all, its a small issue Sai.
You have done a lot to me and millions of other devotees.
You can certainly show that you exist to the ignorant.
Sai, please don’t let me down again.
I am already pained, depressed and shattered.
Sai ram
Venkat
Edit – I slept at 2 last night. I feel ashamed for writing about this issue often. Just that, I deserve rights to request Sai to give me a clarity because Sai has only guided me to do good and never once did I take a wrong decision based on Sai’s dream. I am bored for repeatedly requesting Sai whereas he never bothers to answer me. I received a call regarding Doctor of Business Admin course. Within a year I will choose between Ph.d or DBA because I have never ignored Sai’s words in dream. I visited the college I studied last evening and felt nostalgic. I hope Sai doesn’t take too long to help me get rid of this worries.
