I have understood something about life. If we behave in a certain way to a group of people, they expect us to remain in the same way forever. For example – Couple of month back when I had some issues at work, I tried to remain calm at least for a week without making fun of others and just minding my work. I just said that I am trying to shut my mouth and keep quiet for a week but my friends argued with me and said am over reacting for little things. So I again started speaking and making fun of everyone.
Today, I took photo of the Golu *( Gods and Goddess Statues kept for worship during Navratri days) and found the statue of Meera truly beautiful. I took many photos and actually wanted to take it better by keeping some Red and White Roses around her but I can only take what’s kept over there. It made me remember one of the oldest photography I did before several years.
Anyway, By evening , I was really upset a lot. The problem is, sometimes, we hurt others when we casually speak. Probably this is what Sai calls as “The sins of speech”. Today, I realized that I hurt someone and it really bothered me a lot. I told Baba to forgive me.
I came home. I hurt my Mom and Dad so much while arguing with them. I want to get rid of this life at times and go some where. I hate myself arguing with my old parents. My Ma is so weak but I keep hurting her and her feelings. Sai please bless me with good buddhi that I make my parents happy.
Its 12.45 at night. I really feel pained when I think of my life and all that happened. I am a total failure. I wanted to work on something that will make my life meaningful but its not happening. It seems I will do nothing worthy in this life. Adding to this, I have this pain once in a while which I cannot bear.
My eyes are closing now Saibaba. Please show me a way.
I wish to post the photo of the Meera Photography I did in 2005 and the so called poem I wrote..he he…
Those days, I used to spend several hours to take a single photo. I bought these candles from Saibaba temple, came home, lit them behind in a plate. Then I closed all windows to create darkness accept a small opening. The light softly falls on Meera’s face expressing her divinity. The candles portray how Meera’s heart melts for her beloved Krishna.
Simple words of expression from me to spread the message of lighting lamps !
Twilight bounds the birds flying towards the east
Her mom parts the curtains breaking the day in
This is Meera from the small galaxy
A blossom of morning dream can be washed by time
Shes out of her nest…
Shes out of her nest….
Flies to the river and brings home flower
one after another flowers for the idol
Like a falling star in distant sky
As she lits a light illuminating her dark pathway
A little light to guide in her journey
To the palace miles beyond the seventh world
There lives someone who fills her life .
Her heart is a Light
Her tears are the prism
As heart penetrates tears
she feels a rainbow of her life.
A eternal rainbow as the light enters her tears
she saw someone for whom she lived her life
she continues to cry but her lips could smile.
Her dream came true…
Her morning dream came true…
This is Meera from the small galaxy
Lingering with the music of flames
for rest of her life…….
A new dream every twilight
comes true with a little light
So what’s life?
I feel that Sai, all Gods and Goddess are angry with me as I hurt my Ma and Pa. I am too self centered and never did any good to them all my life.
I want to create something useful and have a vision but things are not happening.
Yesterday, I was searching to buy a new Dslr camera. I don’t know if really necessary for me now. So left it.
I did nothing useful that changes others life for good. I must find some way to work on it.
Really a depressing day. I feel so dejected Saibaba.