Sairam friends,
I used to get several messages and emails after my Father passed away on why I was not writing on StarSai. Well, I was busy with my work, go to temple after 7 PM, Sweep the temple, spend some time in Dwarakamai, come back home and continue my work. Only the past one week my Mom is not well. So, I feel insecure and depressed that I started writing my experiences in Saibaba temple and other issues. I have a deep fear emerging in me whenever I see my Mom sick as my Mom is my whole world.
For the past 2 days, I was telling my Mom that I hate parents who went to Kailash leaving their children behind because they were assuming that they are divine. Last night, while having dinner, she said, seems one of her distant relatives too passed away in the Nepal floods. She told me, she has come to our home when we were kids but I honestly do not remember. Seems, their only son is in 2nd year of college and crying a lot.
I kept telling my Amma that I am angered by parents these days assuming they are so divine and running to distant temples leaving behind their children. Seems no one is able to console the boy.
My Mom is from Tirunelveli and hence she suddenly get calls about such distant relatives. No matter what happens in India, seems one among them will be her distant relative. Anyway, I kept telling my mom until we slept that people get everything in life but they still get bored and that’s why they are leaving behind their children and going to far away temples.
Contemplating on going to Saibaba temple during Thursdays
I usually go to Saibaba temple here in Coimbatore almost evening after 7 to 7.30 PM. But for the past few weeks, I hate Thursdays because I question people parking as if they fell down from sky as a VIP and others are idiots. Sometimes, I feel, it’s better not to visit Saibaba temple on Thursdays so that I won’t have to come across people who show-off.
Even during Saibaba’s lifetime, if a devotee do not like the environment, Sai has asked them to leave Shirdi. A good example is Sathe. Sathe is the first devotee to build a wada in Shirdi. A wada is a place for guests to stay. But Sathe and Nanawali had lots of misunderstanding. Nanawali once took a piece of glass and scratched on Sathe’s head. When Sathe tried to throw stone over Nanawali to retaliate, Sai shouted at him saying “Saheb, do not do.”
According to Sai, Sathe is well learned and he should not behave like Nanawali. So Sai expected Sathe to adjust.
Similarly, Maybe, Saibaba wants me to accept people who come to temple just to show-off or I should not go to temple on Thursdays so that I won’t have to come across these people.
I also do not like to live in India for long. I am here as my Mom is with me. I like to spend my old days somewhere near my Sister’s place. My Niece keeps asking me to move to Pittsburgh after few years. It’s not an easy task but I should find a way. Living alone in India is scary.
As of now, I am here and I can’t stop myself from visiting Sai temple. I kept a camera near my Mom’s bed. When I am in temple, I check if my Mom is doing okay. It makes me feel good.
Anyway, The easiest way is if I do not live for long. Everyday, I pray that it’s better to go to my Father. I have lived this life for my parents and I believe it’s done for me in few years.
I posted my number as I thought speaking to few devotees will divert my mind but as usual, most of the messages are from devotees facing some problems. I shall reply when time permits. Usually, I reply when I am roaming in the temple after 7 PM.
I am sorry if I have not replied any of your messages or emails. I am going through some worries and I wonder what am I going to say others and that Saibaba will take care of them.
Writing in StarSai and sharing my daily experiences or views makes me divert my mind few minutes. Not sure how long I could write though as I have to focus on other work and take care of my Mom.
Om Sai Ram
Venkat
