Sairam friends,
When I write Children in this article, I mean your children in their 20s or 30s.
I have been writing regularly on StarSai for the past few days after a gap of 5 years. This is one of the important topic I wish to cover. Over the years, I used to get emails and messages from young Sai devotees or elderly parents who are concerned or we could say worried about their grown-up children. These are mother’s who have their Son or Daughter in 20’s or 30’s.
Usually, they speak about their Son or Daughter’s career, or about them not getting married or some other issues.
A Mother concerned about her Children’s career decision
Last evening while sweeping the main hall in Saibaba temple here in Coimbatore, a lady was talking to others. I could not understand what she asked me. I assume she asked if she can come around the main hall as it was blocked while we sweep. I could understand she had come to visit Saibaba temple leaving her husband alone in the hospital opposite to the temple. Usually, those who live in other states come to this hospital and they also visit the Sai temple near by.
I usually do not talk much when I am in the main hall as I feel other devotees might get disturbed. But I felt like speaking to this lady as I believe when someone says her husband is hospitalized, it’s good to say few kind words to them. She said she’s from Kolkata and her husband had some surgery related to back ache and on the neck. I asked her if she has children. She has 2 Son and the younger one wanted to pursue his interest in the film industry.
Due to privacy policy, let me not write beyond this. But I told her that many parents are concerned due to similar situation. Either Son or Daughter chooses to be in a career which is not stable or they wanted to invest a lot and do business instead of going for a full time job.
I also told her, several years back, my uncle came to Coimbatore for the same surgery, I took him to Saibaba temple and later he told the doctor, he don’t want to do the surgery. That was few hours before his surgery was planned. My aunt told him not to do such drama and after going back to Chennai, say that he has pain again. He clarified that he could manage and don’t need the surgery and Doctor let him go.
My uncle later told me, “Your home has a vibration and the pooja you do healed me.”
I don’t like the word “Vibration”. One of the most used word in spirituality. While I am not sure what’s special in our home, I could say, the more you chant’s Saibaba’s holy name, the more his presence in your life and your home.
This lady said, but her husband already had two surgeries done and they will fly back to Kolkata in 4 days time.
Meanwhile, the night aarti was about to get started. I wanted to make this lady feel good. So, I gave her a little Sai picture and said her husband will be fine.
Later, I spent few minutes near the Dhuni in Dwarakamai and reached home. I have a Mother who’s worried about me and I used to get emails from several mother’s who’s worried about their adult son or daughter. So, felt like writing this article today.
1.Mother’s worried about their Children’s Career
A few days back, while I just reached Saibaba temple in Coimbatore, a lady in her 50s called me from some North Indian city. She told me that she wants to talk to be about her children and some insecurity she faces.
Retirement planning
I have been doing personal financial planning for the past 4-5 years and I know most Indian families have not done any kind of retirement planning. Secondly, YouTube is cluttered with such videos. But if you think seriously, only when you really have money to save, you are going to plan for retirement. Most families are in a situation that their children are not settled and they run their family pay-check to pay-check.
I told her, not to worry much and focus on one day at a time.
Why adult children wanted to do business in India?
She also told me her Son does not want to go for a full-time job and wanted to do business. She was worried about this Son. I told her, tell him softly and gradually, he might change his mind. I told her, ask him not to invest much. I can’t speak beyond this because we never know her Son’s thought process.
I told her she should be happy that her Daughter is working and hope that gradually, her Son will either excel in his business or find a job for himself.
Indian families and even those in the US will face such crisis in the coming years. Your children may settle down in their career only in their 30s and not 20s as it happened in the previous generation. So, have patience and advice your Son or Daughter without making it as another argument between you.
I gave her a simple example
25 Years back, her husband and she can start a life and buy a own home for themselves. Today, for their Son or Daughter to buy a home in metro cities is next to impossible. Even yesterday, one of my client told me, he could not buy a home in Chennai as he desires and hence he moved to his wife’s native in Kerala where they bought a home.
So, I told her to give some time for her Son and Daughter to settle down in their career.
Mother’s worried about their Son or Daughter’s marriage
These kind of emails have become common to me in the past 5 years. Usually, I get emails from mother’s asking me to pray for their Son or Daughter’s wedding to happen soon. These are normal.
Mother worried about break-up of her Daughter
Couple of mother’s from Delhi and Mumbai used to keep on messaging me saying her Daughter likes a guy, he is postponing the marriage and they want either the guy to accept to go ahead with marriage or their Daughter should agree to marry someone else. These days, mother’s want their daughter to get married be it someone they love or someone their parents choose. I told these mother’s to give sometime and not to hurry.
10 years back, I had a friend in Delhi who’s from a very rich family. She liked a guy who just had a decent job. Her parents spoke to this guy but things did not move ahead. Eventually, she married someone from a family equal in status to her father. Well, some marriages in India happens since parents wanted to match their status. Eventually, her life is good. I am not sure what happened to the guy she used to like. I am sure his life also will be good because he would have not lived a happy life with a family who perceives him as someone who’s not rich.
I am writing this for those who face break-up in their relationship. If you cannot marry someone you love, well, you can pray Sai to fix things but Saibaba cannot fix human mind. Saibaba cannot make your parents give up their though process about status. My point is, even if you marry someone else, other than whom you love, there are chances that your life will be good.
I have seen this for over a decade and I can say Indian marriages are strange. There’s more status to it than love. Eventually, people accept their life and love happens.
Why I encourage guys and girls to get married?
There was this girl who comes once in a while to Saibaba temple. I speak to most people who have obsession for holy Dhuni of Saibaba. She always sits near Dhuni and I used to speak to her for a minute. She told me that her mother wants her to get married but she decided to escape that by doing her Phd. Recently, she started her Phd and I used to ask about her studies.
I told her, she should consider getting married. Whenever she comes to Coimbatore, I ask her if she likes someone and if she considers getting married. Seems she don’t want to. I tease her saying, she might meet someone in her university too.
I tell her, she might meet someone she likes and she should consider. I have seen her Mother and I know her mother desires to see her daughter married.
I have spoken or replied to hundreds of such mother’s across India and abroad who are worried about their children’s marriage.
Anyway, I felt like writing this today because I spoke to a lady in temple who spoke about her Son. I was also wondering why most of the emails and messages I get are from North India. I rarely get emails from Tamil Nadu. Even if I do, it will be during their desperate times. Probably, People are open to telling their stories in North India. This lady, spoke to me only for couple of minutes in temple.
I was able to relate to her because I have not met anyone who emails me all these years. But I know her pain. I know pain of mother’s and father’s worried about their grown-up children.
I know pain of my Father.
I never made him happy.
I have never made him proud.
It was always my Sister who made my parents proud for whatever she did.
Do not regret being adamant because your parents are not going to be with you forever.
Listen to them once in a while. You may argue with them or dis-agree with them but there are few expectations in them which you could consider satisfying.
You could write to me from contact page.
Venkat
