I had enough humiliation Sai. Please show me a way.

Sairam friends,

I honestly don’t know where it began. I wasn’t happy at work before 2 and half years but atleast I was doing OK. I did a mistake of writing to a girl at work without thinking about its consequences.

I never regret for leading a life based on Sai dreams. Sai’s words has always helped me in several situations and I know how Sai works.

Just that,when Sai showed this girl in dream, I should have maintained some patience and never communicated with this girl. Whenever I asked some questions, the same night, I used to get dream from Sai.

So much happened in the past 2 and half years that I am completely fed up with this issue as it made me get depressed to core.

My parents aren’t in good health

I started finding a better purpose in my life.

I stopped communicating with this girl. Better, I don’t go anywhere this girl walks around as I don’t like to bother her. This is all I could do.

I believe its between Sai and myself.

Sai showed a dream, made me react to it and now, he should show me a way.

I am too sensitive to this issue as it happened in my work environment. So its really embarrassing and killing me alive.

I feel like I bothered a girl like a stupid saying Sai showed her in dream. I don’t know to laugh or cry about it because I can’t prove what Sai did to me.

OK. Now. what makes me write this is something I find strange.

I was filming during an event and when ever I come across this girl, she shows as if she’s moving away as I shouldn’t photograph her.

Honestly, I have no intention to photograph her or any girl for that matter. I was trying to make a promo video and all I needed was some footage. So I was taking random shots.

Just because this girl reacted like this, I made sure I never shoot people around her. But it made me feel really bad. Well, what will anyone do even if they photograph a girl? What can I do with it? Nothing.

I crossed the stage in my life where I would look into a girls pic or a video.I see these girls as kids now.

I have photographed her in 2017 when I was photographing everyone and even during this time, she was behaving harsh and I wonder why? Its true that I did a mistake but I apologized for the same.

I am just doing what I love most – Photography. Any girl, guy, child whom I shoot are my subjects. Its not my job but somehow, I got into it.

I can’t blame this girl because even I feel embarrassed if I come across this girl. So she might not be comfortable me photographing her. Honestly, what hurts me is that it was not my intention at all.

She has a boy friend and she has her own life. I don’t have any clue why I got into all this mess.

Once the event was over, I was relaxed that I am not going to embarrass this girl anymore.

Again, one of my friend asked me to photograph their team. The moment he said this, I started worrying a lot. I don’t want to bother any girl Sai.

Initially, I said that light isn’t enough and let other guys use my camera. Later, when I took the group photo this girl wasn’t there.

She did the right thing as even I would have felt embarrassed if she was there. I neither wanted to communicate with this girl anymore nor even look at her because its like disturbing a girl.

I went to Sai mandir last night and prayed for her. Asked Sai to bless her with good life.

This is all I could do for the mistake I did and this is all I have been doing right from the beginning. I don’t know this girl and whom she is. I just know Sai gave importance to her.

I could have never bothered all that’s happening. But I am too sensitive to let go.

If a girl shows as if she’s bothered about me, its like I have not lived a life my Mother expected me to. This isn’t the way my Mom bought me up.

Now that my Mom is too weak and wornout, I feel very painful that just because of Sai dreams, I got into this mess.

I had faced a lot in my past. But this issue is humiliating me as its in work environment. I feel really embarrassed.

All this is happening when I am already facing several difficulties.

I am maintaing patience at work but seems I should look for a better job eventually.

All this is happening when I have severe pain in my palm and foot the fever has left with me.

I am totally wornout and depressed Sai.

All I wish is that this girl can be normal as whatever happened in past is over. But when I feel embarrassed whenever I come across her, she also has rights to do whatever she wishes.

So I have to bear this.

Hopefully, As time passes on, I will learn not to worry about why this girl behaves like this because everyone does what they think is right.

I am angered with Sai as he got me into a mess and now not showing me a way. I need clarity for why I saw some girl who’s a complete stranger to me in dream?

Everynight, I pray Sai to show me a dream answering me why this happened? Why should I face all this? What do I gain from this?

Sometimes, when I walk, I think the whole episode is quite strange to me. How can I prove anyone Sai’s dreams really did happen? And why should be a girl in workplace. Why not elsewhere? Why this purticular girl? Its all too confusing.

I still have habit of trusting Sai dreams. Just because I became a fool in this issue doesn’t mean Saibaba misguided me. May be, Sai meant something else and I interpreted differently.

After all these months, I feel that am too old for all this and wanted to get rid of this mess.

Sometimes, I feel its better that I loose my job as I won’t have to face all this humiliation.

I will be free of this mess I created for myself.

I woke up at 5 AM as I had some pain and wrote this. I know some of you will write me saying give up this issue atleast now. Well, then, it should have not happened in work environment.

Why Sai is not taking any responsibility of his dreams? Does he want me to look like a stupid? And why this girl who seem to be conservative thinking am going to photograph her when that’s not my intention at all.

I honestly regret for picking my Camera into workplace. I started doing it as I had desire to do Corporate film for the company.

Baba, please clarify me and help me now.

Forgive me for my mistakes but don’t make me guilty for just because I wrote to a girl almost 2 years back.

I have come a long way after that.

Please help me Sai.

Venkat

starsai27@gmail.com

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