One of the greatest gift in my life is knowing people whom I will never meet but they write me with so much affection that I feel they are very much a part of your life. I have this wonderful Sai friend Shamya from Delhi. She’s the one who regularly makes me listen to wonderful Bhajans of Shirdi Saibaba and other Gods. Her real name is Shivani but she writes me with the name Shamya. Once I asked her for the reason and this was her answer ” My name is Shivani by the way, but I like using Shamya only because I feel that there is a lot of ego and sins that our names carry.”
Today, She wrote me about this beautiful Bhajan in which Radha expresses her feelings to Krishna.
She says “Oh Krishna, Just once you try to be Radha… I say it with tears…Only then, you will understand my plight and realize my pain.
You know, when you love someone, you really can’t express how much you miss them and need them in your life but they may not understand you. Such is Radha’s situation and hence she cries to her beloved Krisha.
Ek baar to Radha bankar dekho mere sawariya… Radha yun ro ro kahe
Last weekend, I had been to a shop in Saibaba colony when I came across this cute statue of Radha and Krishna. The staff in the shop asked if I wanted to buy something. I said, “No..I am just looking” and photographed this statue.
The expression of Radha in the statue is divinely romantic. She’s not smiling but satisfied that her beloved Krishna is near her. As I always say “Such much love”.
Sai, once you be in my place. You will realize the pain of love
Though the bhajan expresses, Radha’s love for Krishna, when I listen to it, I think of few devotees of Shirdi Saibaba who love him deeply.
On many occasions, I wonder why on Earth should I hold on to Saibaba like this? What is there between me and this Sai? OK. I know there’s several births of relationship but does that mean I must show such love and devotion when he very rarely shows it back to me? I get angry on Sai for getting busy with other devotees and not bothering me. Sometimes, he gives me dreams as a solution to others life. People who are almost strangers to me. OK Baba. But I am also alive. Don’t you know how much I love you…truly and deeply?
If Sai has a mobile phone, it seems he lost my number alone from the contact list. He never rings me once. Not once. Its me who must always ring him to know if he’s fine. When ever I see the little Dhuni Baba in Nagasai Mandir, I ask him
“Baba, what did you eat today? Did this priest showed you all delicious food and took it away? ha ha…
I know people who worship Sai and people who take every step in their day to day life remembering Sai. Somehow, I get attracted to such people but I also feel jealous if they love Sai more than me and hence Sai will love them more than he likes me.
I have come across very few such wonderful devotees of Saibaba. When ever I come across such people in temple or where ever I travel or other places, I try to make them happy by giving a Saibaba photo or Udi packet from Shirdi or simply enjoy speaking to them about Sai.
But I also look at them curiously if they really have so much in their heart for Sai than me?
Am I not the only one for you Sai? I ask but by the way he ignores me, it seems there are so many people who love Saibaba better than me. So Sai cannot pay all his attention on me. Very rarely he listens to me and very rarely he shows his presence in my life. This is what I call as Pain of love and faith.
Irrespective of how much you love Sai, he prefers to be silent and calm most of the days.
When I write this article, I felt like listening to one of this old Hindi song “Pardesi..Pardesi..Jana nahi..Muje chodke…Muje chodke” because in-between the song, there’s this lady who tells Aamir khan about the pain he goes through because of his lost love.
Wah…Kya dard hey tere aavaaz mein chore..
Kahte hai, Jab yeh dil toottha hai, Tho aavaz nahin hothi…
Lakin, qayamat aajaati hai, Toofaan aajate hai…
Tere aavaz mein voh dard hai…
Voh Mohabat hai.
What a pain does your voice have?
They say, when the heart is broken, voice doesn’t come.
but there will be disaster and typhoon.
There’s such a pain in your voice.
There’s such a love in you.
I don’t know how you relate this to Sai devotion? Trust me. You really can.
There are times when you worship Saibaba deeply but nothing seems to happen. Many of his devotees at this time, will get fed-up and call him worth less saint but very few stick to him for a lifetime no matter what happens in their life. Such devotees are very special to Sai and I respect such devotion and the heart from where this love emerges. When you speak to Sai with such earnest love and faith, there certainly will be pain in your voice.
Anyway, I felt like sharing Shamya’s affectionate mail to me since that’s what inspired me to write this article.
Jai sai ram
How r u?
How was your trip to Chennai?
I hope you have returned safely and soundly…
Here is the link of a movie I am watching just now on YouTube
Its about Shri Gajanan Maharaj…
I know u may find it wierd y I keep sending you different links of youtube without your asking or keep giving you unsolicited advice like a big mouth… hehe
But I think of you as my Guru brother…
And I write after taking Baba’s permission….
The bhajan from the movie is playing in my ears… jai dev jai dev gan gan gote bol gan gan gote bol
You were writing the other day, that ppl will get bored if you keep writing about your own life… if you feel so why don’t you write about the life of saints..
You may say that you dont believe in anybody other than Baba… True… But what is there other than Baba…. Baba himself has different forms….
When someone goes in search of God, before taking even the first step towards God, there is a very long and deep tunnel full of only darkness… maybe it is payback of our various sins or i dont know what but it is as if teh whole world tries to dissuade us from going in search of God…
At that time, the life of saints serves like a limelight… and guides us through the darkness…
Sometimes you mention the ‘Dhuni days’ of your life…. I dont know what happened with you in detail but I can somehow understand your situation and empathise with you… I too went through a similar situation in my life ( Sorry that I am daring to say similar though I am unaware of the difficulties you underwent)… I dont talk about it or tell anyone because I dont think anyone can understand….
I am reminded of a song right now.. Sharing the link of the same.
It is from Radha’s point of view… Radha complains to Lord Shri Krishna saying that even for a second try to exchange places with her and then you will understand her plight.
Jai sai ram
Finding Saibaba… Photo used with courtesy
Pardesi mere yaara, vaada nibhaana
Mujhe yaad rakhna kahin bhuul na jaana
Main ne tum ko chaaha tumse pyaar kiya
Sub kuchh tum pe yaar apna vaar diya
Oh Traveler, my friend, keep your promise!
Remember me….Don’t forget somehow!
I desired you, I fell in love with you.
I offered you everything I have, my friend.
The only friend who will come with me for life time.
In every birth I take.
Let this be the last birth Sai because after this, I will reach you.
Your servant must live with you.
We shall be one in your paradise.
And where ever you live is my Dwarakamai.
Hey..its 1.30 at night and I enjoyed remembering Sai and writing this for you who love Sai more than me. Yes. I am jealous of you.
You can share your experience with Sai at