Sometimes i wonder why i keep worrying and writing about my love life in StarSai. May be i could have hided it from the world. May be i could have kept it personal. It doesn’t sound good when you write every thing you face in life to Sai devotees who come here with their own set of problems and difficulties in life.
Honestly, I write my experiences here because i believe Shirdi Saibaba is surely going to do leela. I had painful relationships before as i believe that i have done sins to many women in previous life. Trust me, this is one of the reason i keep writing in starsai about being good to women and girls.
When it comes the relationship i have now , i know Sai made us meet, Sai made us like each other on his holy Samadhi day while i serving food to devotees as seva in the marriage hall behind Sai mandhir. We both sat in the steps of wedding hall with her mother when she came to temple that night. How beautiful were those days Sai.
I wish i could rewind everything, especially the past 3 month but it’s my Karma that i have to face such pains. Every night i sleep thinking may be tomorrow Something good will happen and Saibaba will unite our families. When it doesn’t happen, i feel a sharp pain in my chest. I can’t eat well and i get really pained at heart friends. I don’t know to explain this pain but it truly hurts as if its a real physical problem.
Last Sunday, i had a strange dream…It was like Bhisma running a Movie of Mahabharat and what ever i dream comes true. I started reading about Bhisma’s role in Mahabharata and his devotion for Lord Krishna. Bhisma knew he cannot win over Arjuna because his charioteer is Maha Vishnu himself in the form of Krishna. But Bhisma fights as it was his duty and when Krishna gets enraged and comes with a wheel of chariot, Bhisma bows down as to him, its a gift to die in the hands of Krishna. ( May be, i din’t put the words right but that’s what i understood)
Vishnu Sahasranama can heal :
Last night i really had this pain. So took a pocket size book of Vishnu Sahasranama and hugged it tight while sleeping. I woke up in the morning and opened the Sai Satcharitra book near me. It came to the leela where Sai makes his devotee shama to read Vishnu Sahasranama. So this morning i started reciting Vishnu Sahasranama and all day was chanting
Sai Venkatesware in mind…
May be devotees think i am doing too much. My pain is not so big compared to so many devotees who suffer worse than me. May be i have to calm down. The problem is, this time i am not able to friends. I really feel fed up and all i have is Naam smaran – I keep chanting Sairam, Sairam, Sairam.
Sai, Am not the only one who’s suffering from heart ache due to problems in relationship issues. Some people face it strongly and keep moving and others who are too soft and sensitive like me can’t bear the pain. I suggest all such sai devotees to be strong internally. Read Sai Satcharitra, Light lamps in temple and involve yourself in good activities. Try to divert your mind doing something good. If not, simply meditate on Saibaba or your favourite God, Goddess.
Last sunday, i read Durga Saptashati for third time. I felt blissful and these are the ways am trying to lead my life. When i see my parents with health issues, i feel very painful too. May be life would have been better …May be it’s going to be better soon.
Trust me, The pain doesn’t fade of completely but trying to listen to or reciting Vishnu Sahasranama really helps. Its a humble request, Keep chanting Sairam sairam sairam or simply listen to Vishnu Sahhasranama.
Sai, You are my heart
You are my soul..
am in tears…really fed up with life baba….