I was not comfortable with the previous 2 articles I wrote and deleted it as soon as I reached home tonight. All the while at office, I felt restless because I wrote as if I am facing problems because of this girl. Honestly, She’s innocent in all possible ways. I can only blame myself as I did not maintain patience initially. It’s between me and my Sai. I respect her for her down to Earth nature and she has never hurt me though I had bothered her.
If it was someone else in her place, atleast they would have showed off as if I am behind them.
Secondly, I felt bad of myself for keep on writing about this girl and often saying that I am depressed.
If you like a girl, you must be proud of her.
My Sister’s Daughter always expects us to say that we are proud of her. It’s something which makes her really happy. After I wrote previous 2 articles, I felt as if I am letting this girl down. She’s aligned with her life perfectly and has her own dreams and aspirations. I am proud of this girl for what she is. There’s more to a girl than how she looks and I admire all that she stands for.
If I can do something good for her, it must be keeping away from her. I am doing it but somehow my respect for Sai’s words is pulling my emotions to the other side. I assumed writing about this issue I had been experiencing for the past 16 month will be a way of venting out my worries.
Its also about my Faith. My love for Sai. That I trust his words even when his dreams had no relationship with reality.
Anyway…Thanks for several mails I got today. I hardly had time to read all the mails. Some mails remain unread yet. But I am thankful for few who wrote me with concern.
I wish to clarify that I am happy. Meaning, I am OK with my life. I have some worries but I am not suffering. I have some insecurities but I am OK. Sai has never let me down in any issues. So I was feeling painful that my Guru must not let me down like this. Well. He has all rights to let me down.
Guru Bhakti is accepting everything a Guru gives us as a gift even if that means facing pain
Because of this issue, I was humiliated, hurt, confused and got depressed but it was always managable. I just felt “Yen Baba ipidi panta”….Sai would have not done this but that’s what makes him a true saint”.
Sai knows the past, present and future.
So he alone knows why he gave me such experiences.
I often wish to tell all my experiences and dreams to this girl because she must know the importance Sai gave to her. Its good if she knows her value and what Sai told me about her. That’s all I expect.
I have seen life. I have gone through breakups. I have faced worst possible girls. So I am not really pained because of this girl. I am pained because of my own expectations.
Which is why I keep my expectations neutral.
I even say Sai – Bless her to marry the one she loves because that too can easily end my trauma.
Sometimes, I wish she comes with her wedding card and gives everyone at work. But that also doesn’t seem to happen.
So kindly do not take my writings about this girls issue in wrong perception. I am sharing what I have experienced because I can’t even justify my experiences to a single close friend of mine. I can’t tell this to my Sister because she’s busy with her work and she will only say not to be obsessed with dreams.
I do shed tears at times looking at Sai but I also laugh to myself. So its not completely painful. I also have a lighter side to the story.
There’s another positive aspect to the whole story.
I am happy to think about a good girl and suffer rather than go behind a wrong girl and enjoy life.
Understood what I mean?
Sai has not answered me why he showed this girl in dream but thankfully, I know she’s good hearted.
Believe it or not, Sai has saved me from several disasters. I know how Sai did that during every stage of my life in the past 5 to 7 years. May be, I would have landed up with a wrong relationship had Sai not blessed me with dreams on this girl. May be, Sai just wanna divert my mind on a good girl who ever she is. May be, this girl has saved my life. I can think about all the probabilities.
Sai will only do good to me. I trust him immensely. I am happy for every moment I pray for this girl. Its OK even if I could never talk to her for lifetime.
Its better to think about a good girl for lifetime rather than living with a wrong girl for a day.
So lets end this story on a positive note.
Om Sai Ram
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The featured photo is used with courtesy. I am remembering my Sai friend today who feeds Squirrels. I don’t know what happened to her.