I am not really able to understand why I often see a small dream of Lord Venkateswara. Its not even a dream. Its like..I will be awake and suddenly have such experience. Last night, I saw Lord Venkateswara in dream and hence took a huge Shirdi Saibaba statue I bought in Shirdi during my last visit, hugged him and slept.
These days, I am not even listening to Vishnu Sahasranaam. So I played Venkateswara Sahasranama in my computer while I did other work at home. I remember Kolhapur Mahalakshmi so much today. How can I forget her? She’s etched in my heart forever. Though I have never visted Kolhapur, its my desire to go to Kolhapur during a Shirdi pilgrimage. Here’s my sweet heart Mahalakshmi of Kolhapur.
I love her so much. She’s also called Karveer Nivaseeni.
When I was working as faculty in a Film school in Mumbai, one of my student got me prasad from Kolhapur. I kept that Coconut near me and slept. She came in my dream and blessed me. Such a powerful Goddess.
I have to be more responsible in the kind of content I create in StarSai because now a days, people read my articles even when they travel to Shirdi and when they are spending their time in a holy place like Shirdi. Irrespective of the fact that I am touching Sai stories and leela rarely, I am trying to understand why people get engaged with StarSai?
StarSai is not about Sai stories or photos or bhajans. Its about how a Sai devotee must trust Saibaba no matter how much he fails in his life in both personal and professional arena.
One major reason is because I am trying to tell my journey with Sai honestly.
I call it “Being brutally Honest”
I would have kept many of the happenings in my life for the past 4 month within myself and just exposed readers to divine aricles once in a while. That doesn’t sound realistic. Thousand years from now, a Sai devotee like me must understand the way Saibaba works. Its not easy to serve Saibaba. Though he cares for me like a million Mother put together, he also takes all the rights he has to embarass me. I questioned him and fought with him several days but he simply smiles as if he is not at all involved in what ever I did.
The only satisfaction I have is that Sai can never pick one single point to tell that I did something against his words. I believed in him with heart and soul and will continue to trust his words until I die. This is because of the experiences Sai gives me which I can’t share openly as it will be associated with miracles. I don’t like to portray Saibaba as a miracle Saint. I wish to project him as a sweet little fakir of Shirdi. He’s very ordinary and affectionate.
Now lets see the kind of doubts Sai devotees get. The very reason I am trying to write articles about day to day happenings in my life and what I observe is because lots have changed these days. Back in 2004, most of the mails I get will be related to some doubts about what pooja to do, can I have Non Veg food while doing pooja? Tell me some mantra to fulfill my desire etc. Ofcourse, all the while, they also write me their problems and expect me to say something. As usual, All I have is some words to make you feel withstand the calamities in your life. I believe words will heal.
Now a days, the mails I receive are about practical issues.
Should I seperate from my Husband or not? (Explaining what all he did to you)
I can’t answer. Its a personal experience and you alone must do what’s right for you. So I wrote this article – Marriage, Separation and Divorce – Words to heal
Some stories are so painful which is why I keep writing girls must learn how to live up to their dreams. I get irritated when I see some girls are highly educated, work in a good organization but some where in their personal life, things would have gone wrong.
2. Few weeks back, one of this girl mailed me a single line.
Can you tell me is it good to go shirdi before getting married?
I replied her asking “With whom?”
Here comes the reply!
Me and my life partner we have not done the shaadi. So can we go to Shirdi?
And here’s my reply
That’s what I am asking?
Its up to you. People go to Shirdi but I don’t encourage this especially because you never know if you will certainly end up marrying the same guy. Not sure about your case though.
Secondly,only when you are married, Sai likes it when you both together going to Shirdi. That’s what I personally believe in.
Rest is your wish.
And again she asked me this
You are saying that I should avoid going to shirdi?
Here’s my reply…
Read that again
I never say anything directly.I say whats good for You.
Take right decision keeping ur parents in mind.
Firstly. This girl is not at all bad or wrong. She’s one amoung us. We can even say she could be part of my own family. According to Sai, anyone who comes to us seeking a guidance or any help are someone we are indebted to. So I see her as my little Sister.
This girl has innocently asked me. Some youngters easily tell parents they are going to Shirdi and I can’t say what’s happening there. Sai also won’t punish you. Be relaxed because Sai simply has these words
“If you do good, good will come to you. You don’t need a Guru. Guru is just a mirror of your thoughts and action. Ask yourself what’s right and do it”.
Think about hundreds of yougsters who spend time together going places. Going to Shirdi is not my concern because to me, the whole world is Shirdi. If something is wrong to do in Shirdi, its also wrong to do in Mumbai or New York. Doesn’t Sai live in New York or even Antartica?
So where ever you go, what ever you do, if you do good, Sai will always be your side and protect you.
I know so many girls who live abroad,goes to meet their boy friend even if they live in some other city or country. Nothing wrong but nothing right too. Drinking is not wrong. Meeting your boy friend or girl friend is not wrong. Living together is not wrong. So tell me what else is not wrong? Fine. Its your life style. I won’t disturb you and Sai too won’t. But someday, when you face difficulties, your precautious attitude and behaviour would have saved you. I hate it when someone tells me they are taking medication for depression.
I also keep writing that I am depressed. I do get hurt because of so many experiences I had in the past 10 years. I ask Saibaba if its not enough for him. How can I do good to people if I don’t keep myself clear. So I try to focus on something creative. I learn a lot. I read.I watch videos which helps me learn something. I make fun. And most importantly, I accept Sai for what he is. He can’t always keep us happy. Once in a while, we must bear some pain and for some of us, the period of pain will prolong for years together.
With all these experiences Sai gave me, I wanted to give back my wisdom to people. I don’t wanna advice anyone. I am just concerned about the way some people complicate their life due to relationships they have.
Basically, our society has become cosmopolitan and I am trying to write for these youngters and those who will emerge after 100 years. Saibaba is the only saint who never preached anything. You know why?
Sai adopts to the existing culture and the trend in the society – Sai changes his ways based on the period we live in
When Baba lived, if a Man doesn’t have a male child, he marries a second wife. Sai has even blessed a devotee to give Mangoes to his younger wife so that he will be blessed with a male child.
That was right in Sai’s perspective during his life time in early 19th century. Those days, Women who don’t have a Male child went through several abuse in the society and hence Sai blessed them to have a male child.
Is it right to ask Baba for a Male child today? You can desire to have either a baby girl or baby boy and seek Sai’s blessings for the same but be cool with your needs. May be, you are destined to blessed with a female child again. I know a lady who stopped coming to temple since her second child wasn’t a baby boy.
I wrote this article – Its 2010 and sai devotees need a Baby Boy when they are expecting a baby
One of my friend asked me why you keep on worrying so much about the way you behaved trusting Sai’s words? I told him that I just want Sai to clarify me why he did this and I know he will. I have so many experiences even these days to prove this saint is a sweet heart. So he won’t let me down or embarras me for no reason. There must be a good reason for all that words Sai uttered me. One way to come out of this worries is to see this girl get married soon to the guy she likes as that will make me immensely happy. The way to make me satisfied is if Saibaba gives me a reliable reason for such experiences.
When nothing seems to happen, I get hurt to core. For all the honesty and trust I have on Sai, he is making it late for me to get clarity.
I did all I can to divert my mind. I am trying to focus on Photography and Filmmaking. I listeining to songs…I am trying to laugh and have fun but suddenly I get depressed.
Wonder when Sai will answer me?
Many people who see me laugh tells me “Seems you are happy these days?”
When ever someone tells this, I don’t know what they mean? If I show my teeth, does that mean, I am happy in life?
Yes. I am happy these days – “Externally”
There’s more to the story which Sai who lives in my heart alone knows.
Om Sai Ram